🍨 Flummery
Auntie Petunia was my absolute favourite auntie. When we would get together for our coven potlucks, the other parents would always bring the standard variations on egg sandwiches, custard squares not nearly as good as a bakery one, sausage rolls sliced only slightly thicker than a 50c coin and devilled eggs served on a semi-wilted leaf of lettuce.
None of them could compare to Auntie Petunia’s pièce de résistance;
Rat on a Stick.
A brief history of Flummery
I can vividly picture the first time she brought this dish to the annual coven picnic. Our annual picnics were legendary - so much so that we had them five or six times a year. These time to celebrate, share with family and friends in love and laughter, all to the glory of our dark lord and master.
I had been trying to make friends with the other kids there by showing them my wart. But they just didn’t seem that impressed by that wart, even though it was on my bum. And then Auntie Petunia turned up with the Rat on a Stick. Well, when they realised she was related to me they were in awe, and I was a celebrity. For one priceless summer afternoon I was the cool kid - with my new found friends Warlock, Jezebel, Baal, Azrael, Diablocus and Nigel.
A true family recipe
Later that evening I played in the garden at Auntie Petunia’s house, beating an old Chrysler hubcap with a stick of pepperoni, while she threw cabbages at me. You can’t beat the classics.
After she had run out of cabbages we went inside for a mug of cocoa. I always enjoyed sharing a mug of cocoa with Petunia, although I did occasionally wonder why she didn’t just buy another mug or two. Anyway, we passed the mug back and forth, sipping the still warm chocolatey goodness and sharing about our hopes, dreams and aspirations for the future. It was an extraordinary moment where the world was full of wonder and possibility.
Little did I know that just one week later she would become an accountant; her sense of marvel, flamboyant dreams, and unicorn-infused whimsy crushed by a leatherbound ledgerbook.
Selecting the right Jelly
I can still picture the yellow wallpaper in her kitchen, the smile on her face, the noise of the TV in the background, and the unmistakable smell of teenagers doing burnouts on the road outside, insinuating itself through the window. Actually, I don’t think you can picture a smell. What’s the equivalent? Re-odour a smell? Rememory-sniff? I don’t know for certain, but whatever it is it’s that - the aromatic equivalent of picturing a scene. Pure nostalgia.
Treasured memories
That night I asked her for the recipe for Rat on a Stick, but she was reluctant to tell me the secret. Personally I think it was all in the selection of the stick - not too long, not too short, and just the right forked branching to wedge the rat into. My little sister Teapot thought it was more about the selection of rat, which I must concede is also a factor.
Over the years we experimented a little, and while I had some success with Hedgehog on a Bamboo Cane, and Ferret on a Rock, I could never replicate Auntie Petunia’s magnum opus (nor, for that matter, her equally wonderful Magnetic Octopus.) I’d probably even settle for her under-rated starter; Mouse on a Twig. But those halcyon days have passed, stolen from us by the ways of business. Haute cuisine’s loss is Chartered Accountancy’s gain.
You can get the Ingredients at my Online Store
Which leads me nicely to today’s recipe.
Flummery is an old recipe - the name comes from the old Dutch term “Flum-” (meaning to pelt a police constable with chicken giblets) and the ancient Klingon term “-mery” (meaning the fifth vertebrae of the Tibetan OxenSnake.) I think that perfectly sums this recipe up - sweet summer flavours for an outdoor evening meal.
The Recipe bit
You made it this far, you deserve the recipe. It's no Rat on a Stick, but it's a recipe - and that counts for a lot these days.
Cream or evaporated milk go best (pre-chill them.) Using raspberry jelly gives you something reminiscent of the splattered brains of a possum on State Highway 51. Except for the flavour, which is quite different. Allegedly.
For boiling water, I recommend a kettle.
The Water Heating-Izer Blaster 3000 All-In-One Kettle, Popcorn Maker and Sudoku Solver is available on my online store - it's perfect for this job.
Use the discount code 25ForTheGrift to get a 1 percent discount on shipping on your next order.
Ingredients
- Sugar-free jelly crystals (enough to make 500mL, which is standard but worth checking)
- 1 cup boiling water
- 350mL evaporated milk (or cream, if you're that way inclined)
Method
- Mix jelly crystals and boiling water, dissolving all the jelly
- Cool until it just starts to set
- Beat together with milk to make a frothy mix
- Set in fridge for at least 1-2 hours
Notes
- Evaporated oat-milk or coconut milk also works. Ewww.
Source Various sources from all over