🥮 Quiche Lorraine
This is one of those amazing recipes that simply takes me back to my childhood. You see, my first childhood crush’s name was Lorraine Quiche, and something about this recipe reminds me of her - I think it's her legs.
Lorraine used to sit in the back row of our class, next to Josh Rogan and Suzette Crepe, and I would pretend to drop my pencil so I could steal a glance back at her. Her eyes were a deep green that made me think of the dried skin of a dead frog I found by the creek when I was 7. Her hair was like old fish’n’chip wrappers - fair, disheveled and greasy. My 8 year-old heart just melted for her. And I lost a lot of pencils that year.
I’ll never forget the day Lorraine Quiche brought her pet snail to school. Because that was the day my dad died, and that’s just not the kind of thing you forget.
A Timeless Classic
I got home from school, and Mum told me she had some bad news. I can still picture the yellow wallpaper in her kitchen, the smile on her face, the noise of the TV in the background and the smell of roasted pheasant on a bed of pine-nuts and pesto coming in through the window.
Dad was allergic to eggs, and somehow his local restaurant screwed up his usual order of eggless omelette, and included eggs in it. We were pretty sad that day - knowing that I’d have to grow up without having Dad around. But at least Mum would be able to have more sleepovers with Uncle Gary, who only seemed to come around when Dad was away. I liked Uncle Gary. I think Mum did too.
For Dad
Anyway, this is a recipe for Quiche Lorraine (no relation.) I like to think Dad would have liked it. Except for the eggs.
Bestest Quality Ingredients
I recommend high quality bacon for this recipe. Preferably from a pig you have hand-raised from infancy on a diet of kibble and caviar, before gently slaughtering it under the nearest full moon to its second birthday. It should be smoked using the finest smoking wood - Javanese Caphor-wood, with dried sage, black dahlia petals and pure Iranian saffron make the best smoked blend for this bacon perfection. Failing that, I’ve had excellent results with the cheapo supermarket stuff, so if you don’t have time to hand-rear a piglet then pop on down and buy some of that. Your guests won’t know the difference.
Go to a Farmers Market
Egg selection is vital, so make sure to select some eggs. This recipe can be made with quail eggs, but if you do that then 6 probably won’t be enough for this recipe. I can personally recommend shopping at your local farmers market so you can see just how much you save by going to a proper shop like a supermarket. Homegrown eggs are the best, but if you can’t lay your own then buy some. Your guests won’t know the difference.
I’ve tried this particular recipe with a range of milks - evaporated works well, but so does full cream, half and half, otter-milk, rabbit milk, soy milk and even the milk of human kindness. I was going to try whale milk but the whale wouldn’t keep still long enough to milk it. If you’re short of milk, hamster milk works perfectly well. Your guests won’t know the difference.
Milk, cheese and Eggs - ward off the Vegans
Cheese is an important base for this. Under no circumstances should you replace the cheese with concrete. Learn from my mistakes.
You should grate the cheese for this recipe. I highly recommend a grater for this task, although I have had some success with electric razors. I once tried to grate the cheese with a mandolin, but the guys from Mumford and Sons got pretty sh!tty about that. By the way, if you get their album through this link, I get moolah. Just saying.
Kitchen Utensils
You can use a knife to chop the chives, or buy them pre-chopped. Asking them to chop themselves doesn’t typically work, so if you’re not prepared to do the hard yards, maybe get them pre-chopped. Handy hint: sing “Chive Talking” in Bee-Geesesque falsetto while doing this task for hilarious results.
Anyway, the full recipe is below. Enjoy these quiche lorraines, while I look up on Facebook to see whatever did become of Lorraine Quiche.
Pro tip: These cook faster if you turn the oven on.
Ingredients
- 6 strips bacon, cut in pieces
- 1 cup grated cheese
- 1 cup milk (or evaporated milk for richer quiche)
- 6 large eggs
- 1/4 tsp salt
- 1/8 tsp ground black pepper
- 2 Tbsp chopped chives
Method
- Cook the bacon, then share evenly through a greased muffin pan (humming Have You Seen the Muffin Pan? as you do, for hilarious results)
- Beat the eggs, adding the milk and seasonings, and then the cheese. (Maybe reserve some cheese for on top - but you'll probably eat it first, so grate a bit more)
- Pour the egg mix over the bacon in the muffin pans, making 12 evenly sized mini quiches
- Bake at 180°C for 20 to 30 minutes
Notes
- Store in fridge for up to 5 days. Store in your stomach overnight.
- Variations: tuna and onion, chicken and spinach etc. for example
Source Skinnytaste with my own modifications.